I am writing in generalities, of course, and I recognize that my readers span a wide breadth of economic means. For the purpose of this ramble however, I am thinking about those of us who have probably been working for several decades, have a decent abode and a vehicle in the carport. These are some of the trade-offs for youth that I wrote about last week, and that Kathy Bates so memorably declared to the young women in "Fried Green Tomatoes." ("I'm older and I have more insurance.").
So for those of us who have the basics covered: what do we deny ourselves, in the realm of style and fashion, that we could afford? And is this wisdom or excessive guilt? If given a chance to "splurge", might you choose some updated shrubberies, new tires, or dorm-room decor for the kids? Or a wonderful-but-pricey suit/purse/pair of boots you have had your eyes on for months?
I can only truly answer for myself, of course, and hope for your answers in the Comments below. I was raised in a rather restrictive environment, with a lot more "no" than "yes". One of the worst things a person could be was "selfish". If therapy school taught me anything (it did!), it's that early lessons are deeply planted and modified with only the greatest effort.
So at midlife, I still struggle with "deserving" and splurging, and allowing myself to spend on myself, commensurate with my income/assets. After all, self-denial is a virtue, isn't it? Look around: self-indulgence is a fairly ubiquitous pastime, and the world doesn't need a whole lot more Kim K's and Paris Hiltons. But I am thinking about balance, a little bit of self-indulgence laced with some hard work, building, sharing, and sacrifice.
Yes, I can always find "similar" for less. But is it okay to skip the comparison-shopping every rare once in a while? To just choose something because it is lovely, and it feels good? I'm still learning the answers, never too late for that.
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Dewdrop Earrings - Rose Quartz by Wendy Brandes |
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| Frye Dorado Riding Boots |
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| I've always loved the name |
What are your thoughts about self-restraint and self-indulgence? What are you denying yourself, if anything, because you're not sure you "should"? Or are you looking at this issue from the other side, trying to curb your spending on style?
hmmm. thought provoking post. I'm in a point in my life where budget still matters first and foremost. If I were to purchase those lovely Frye boots (which I adore, by the way!) I'd have to budget and plan and save for a few months or else another part of my budget would suffer. And I'm sure my landlord wouldn't be impressed by my late check and cute boots!
ReplyDeleteA good time for me to read this post - yesterday, I was not-so-quietly lusting for a pair of shoes, debating whether to send away for them so I could try them on (but if they fit, I knew I'd keep them), until I realized that their (to me) ridiculous price was approximately the same as my annual donation to a favorite charity that repairs women's fistulas in Africa, when suddenly my perspective righted itself. So it's not so much about self-restraint or self-indulgence as it is about what's the best way to spend a significant amount of money. As for less extreme luxuries, I do find it hard to justify buying something just because it's pretty - I have to need it, and know I will use it, and somehow balance the expenditure within the larger picture of who I am supporting through my purchase, and what else I could do with the money. But damn, those shoes still beckon - and if I find them on sale . . .
ReplyDeleteWoot! My earrings made the list of temptation. I've always been of the belief that one should indulge within one's budget (not OVER one's budget obvs). Memento mori -- you only live once, and you can't take the money to your grave. What's life without beauty and pleasure?
ReplyDeleteI really struggle with this! And I've had my eye on WendyB's dewdrop earrings for some time, except the ones that really tempt me are the Chrysophase earrings. For me it comes down to how much "luxury" budget is realistically available and our preference to spend on travel as our first priority.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I totally get this! Travel is also one of life's pleasures. And those Chrysophase earrings are TDF too . . .
ReplyDeleteI'm quite careful with money because we didn't have very much when I was growing up. So I'm not very good at splurging. Having said that, I do believe that when you work hard you deserve a treat every now & then!
ReplyDeleteooh...making me think a little bit! Well, we grew up very poor so a lot of our things were hand me downs or special occasion purchases. Once I was old enough to work at the tender age of 13 yrs old, I learned the value of money. I would spend some and save some. Now that I am older, I still do this. I don't necessarily splurge on anything because I feel like I should save it. We usually only splurge at Christmas time and birthdays for anything. Although, I don't bat an eyelash if one my kids wants something crazy and expensive. The deal is though they have to earn it! Nice post! Heather
ReplyDeleteI do this EVERY paycheck. I put some into my savings, I've got my 401k set up and still after I've paid the bills & rent I sit and stare at the money in my checking account and feel kinda guilty every time I eat out or buy a new dress.
ReplyDeleteI do assuage a little of the guilt by buying Fair Trade accessories, and paying attention to where my money goes. I also do a lot of things that save me money, like dumpster dive and thrift shop, cut my own hair... So even though I'm financial stable, and doing pretty well for a person my age, when I do treat myself I still feel guilty about it.
I am now in the situation where budget is much more important to me as I have far less income now that I have retired. Sometimes, when I am out shopping, I will think to myself that I would have been able to buy something I want had I been working. Now I cannot spend the money I used to. I have done some splurging, but it is going to be much less now.
ReplyDeleteI do think thought that having something you really love that you will use often is not wrong. I think it also comes down to cost per wear, if you spend more, but wear it more, is it not better than buying a "bargain" and only wearing it once? (As I have been guilty of doing?)
This is definitely a loaded topic for me! We may share a tendency toward guilt and fears of being selfish. I think I'm pretty frugal, but it's all in our perception, isn't it? My frugality may be another person's indulgence! I am very aware that I buy things I don't exactly need. Yet I also enjoy the challenge of trying to be more efficient and streamlined with my purchasing. But I do believe this: Once in awhile, it is worth buying something JUST because you'll feel happy every time you see it.
ReplyDeleteGosh those Wendy Brande earrings are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely looking at this from the other side - as in curbing spending on style. I will say though I have recently been thinking more of forgoing buying several cheap things in favour of buying one luxurious, truly covetable and treasurable thing instead.
I think we were brought up by the same type of parents. I hated it then, but appreciate it now. A long time ago my Aunt taught me a saying. "Save on what you need, spend on what you want" I save and we go on vacations.
ReplyDeleteI probably could use some of that therapy medicine!
I am denying myself a bottle of scent...as I wear it so seldom, but last fall after much coaching from my readers I DID indulge in a brand new pair of Frye's and they made and make me feel like a million!
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on every point! I'll allow myself a splurge now and then, I guess I just feel less guilty/selfish than I did years ago. Hey, time is running out! On the other end of the spectrum, I don't want to be broke--so my husband and I are careful. I don' t think we can throw caution to the wind at this point!
ReplyDeleteI love that: because you'll feel happy every time you see it : >
ReplyDeleteI know! We're at that wonderful age where we still need to save for the future, but as you say "hey! time is running out!" : >
ReplyDeleteI do indulge at times within my budget, but I enjoy the thrill of the hunt and finding something special for next to nothing. It's fun and entertaining!
ReplyDeleteAfter years of denying myself some little luxuries I decided it was me time! Nothing crazy but maybe a Chanel Lipstick or a new fragrance just because. My children are grown and no grandchildren yet so I convince myself it's okay.
ReplyDeleteI always try to practise self control firstly because I don't have a fixed income and I don't have a full time job so I have to watch my expenditure. The best thing to do personally is not to shop when I think I shouldn't spend so I can avoid spending beyond my budget. It's nice to have something nice to indulge once in a while though.
ReplyDeletelove,mongsmythriftycloset.blogspot.com