Kjerstin Gruys, a 29 year-old Ph.D. student, gave up looking at herself in the mirror - any mirror - for a year. Sounds like an extraordinary step for any young woman. More incredibly, the mirror-free period included her wedding day!
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| Kjerstin in her wedding gown. Image source here. |
Kjerstin says the decision to go mirror-free was a response to her “critical body image and self-described weight obsession.” She suffered from eating disorders as a teen. She had grown weary of the negative self-talk that arose when she saw her reflection.
"I just kind of kept coming back to this pattern of perfectionism, and obsessing about my appearance, and I thought, If I can't think myself out of it, then maybe I need to change something about my environment to force me to change," Gruys explained. "The project was to get rid of mirrors with the intention of focusing on everything else in my life."
Her study of Renaissance nuns was also an impetus for her experiment. The nuns had no mirrors and were forbidden to gaze upon themselves. "This idea of living your life experiencing the world for itself instead of constantly reflecting, you know, pun intended, on how you looked.... It was a life where you could get away from yourself," she said.
As part of her experience without mirrors, Kjerstin volunteered for About Face, an organization that helps women and girls overcome body-image problems. Their motto: "Don't fall for the media circus!"
Aubrey Toole, a fellow volunteer with About Face, said this about Kjerstin’s experiment: "So many things are important about her message. I think so much of being a female in our society today is seeing yourself from the outside. And her message is really to see yourself from within." (emphasis mine).
Kjerstin's blog, Mirror Mirror Off the Wall chronicles her journey. It’s a good read, and good food for thought.
While I cannot imagine excluding mirrors from my life (my lipstick would become my mustache!) I do cheer Kjerstin’s underlying philosophy. We are so much more than a number, size, age, shape or hairstyle. Perfection is not possible; the mirror does not tell our whole story. I'm trying to focus more from within than without.
This is a wonderful thing to contemplate. As a relatively new blogger, I do spend time with my pictures, i.e. deciding which ones look "good" etc. There are many I reject for a variety of reasons. I view this as an artistic challenge, assessing style, composition, and content. I'm not compelled to give up my self-reflection at this time, since I'm at a stage in my life where it feels healthy, but I can respect her decision. It must be liberating and I'm all for that!
ReplyDeleteI think freedom is the key. If it allows you to fly, go for it!
Dearest Patti,
ReplyDeleteGuess this is a bit exaggerated as it is impossible to live without reflections. Reflections in a window, in the water, in shiny polished stainless steel and on and on. She cannot convince me that she closes her eyes to all that. What about photos from her? Does she never look at them...
The proper balance of body and soul is more important I guess. Excessive behavior both ways is not healthy. A mirror can work uplifting, reassuring and giving self confidence and we all need that along our journey.
That statement: 'Don't fall for the media circus" is a hollow one too. What does she mean? Imitating all a certain Hollywood star or what? Anyone with common sense knows that. Again, the golden middle road.
And talking about her weight obsession; guess that a tight fitting waistband tells you far more about you than any mirror ever can.
Hugs to you,
Mariette
Interesting! Ii wouldn't do it, but then I'm usually happy with what I see in the mirror. I wonder what it will be like for her when she's done with her year.
ReplyDeleteInteresting idea. Take your lipstick example. I put lipstick on because I think it brightens up my face. I think that because when I look in the mirror I see a face that's in need of lipstick.
ReplyDeleteIf there were no mirrors that thought wouldn't pop up and lipstick would not be something I bothered to put on.
For those of us whose thinking has been skewed by a lifetime of mirror-gazing an alternative might be to ban negative self-talk when checking for that misapplied lipstick. I find that if I smile at myself, I'm usually pretty postive about what I see.
I love that - smiling at ourselves in the mirror is a wonderful alternative to negative talk, Ginger!
ReplyDeleteCommon sense is only possible from the standpoint of a healthy, positive self-image. It´s impossible for someone happy about themselves to understand how media and internalized criticism is to live with. And what it takes to break the destructive behaviour.
ReplyDeletePatti, thanks so much for reading this. I can't wait to get home and read Kjerstin's blog (it's like free books :) I know I'm happier when I don't spend much time in the mirror, although a compact for the lipstick is always a necessity.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a problem these days- young people having problems dealing with body image and looking for perfection -
ReplyDeleteI recently lost weight - i like the results - i prefer myself with 7 or 8 pounds less- I am not looking for perfection but improvements - yes! - but the main reason is to take better care of myself - to have more energy - ect...
Have a good weekend Patti
Ariane xxxx
I agree! Great concept- but I ain't giving that mirror up- or my chin whiskers would take over, lol.
ReplyDeleteI do love the idea of seeing the world out of our own eyeballs, not imaging life as others see you.
I have not seen the 20/20 segment, but I did follow her blog during the project and look forward to buying a copy of her book once it's out. It's amazing when you stop and think about it just how many reflective surfaces there are in our world...besides mirrors.
ReplyDeleteI applaud the overcoming of body misery by any means necessary!
ReplyDeleteGlad to be hearing about an interesting project, thanks Patti.
Wow, what an amazing thought. You are right, perfection is not possible ..
ReplyDeleteThat was really brave. Not sure I could do it. I wonder if looking at photos of one's self would count?
ReplyDeleteWow, what an interesting project! Good for her for not only trying to resolve her own obsession with image, but also making others think about it. I'll definitely be going to check out her site.
ReplyDeleteI gained about 40 lbs in the past 2 years due to a) a side effect of a medication, and b) I'm sure some of it was just getting older. When I ask someone to take pictures of me for my blog, they often say something like "suck in your stomach" or they try to position me to hide my stomach. I finally told them, "you aren't going to be able to make me look thin, because I'm not. It is what it is. The focus is supposed to be on my clothes, so just focus on them looking good." Of course, to them, maybe the clothes can't look good unless they're being worn by a thinner person. Sad that it's my Mom and sister taking the pictures and saying/thinking these things!
Donna
www.prettysparklythings.blogspot.com
It is extremely hard work to be slender after age 40 plus...I have to becomre anti-social because our society is food oriented. If two or more people gather together there will be food involved somehow somewhere. I have had to adopt a "just say NO" policy to food and even then I look overweight to me because I study classical ballet with mirrors surrounding me at all times. Sometimes I wish I I did not take ballet so I could eat ice cream and cake but then again I feel so incredibly healthy and fit I don;t think I would be willing to give that up no matter what.
ReplyDeleteInteresting concept. I'll read her blog. Thanks for pointing her out.
ReplyDeleteI recently turned the lense on my I pad around and was surprised at the "expression" on my face. I didn't "feel" unhappy, but I sure looked it!!
Smiling uses facial muscles that actually do release "feel good" chemicals in our brain.
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